So My Amazon Profile Bio, Which Hasn’t Changed for Over a Decade, Was Supposedly Written by AI... LOL

I woke up to one of those modern literary accusations that is so dumb it almost deserves an award:

Apparently my Amazon author profile bio was “written by AI.” This one:

https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B001K8IESG/about

Now, I want everyone to stop for a moment and admire the sheer athleticism required to arrive at that conclusion, because my Amazon profile bio has not meaningfully changed in over a decade.

That’s right. Over ten years.

Which means one of the following must be true:

1. I secretly used artificial intelligence before it became the all-purpose boogeyman for people who confuse confidence with evidence.

2. My stale old author bio was so offensively competent that it traveled back through time and became suspicious retroactively.

3. We are now living in an age where any complete sentence longer than seven words is considered “probably AI.”

I am honestly impressed.

There is something very funny about the idea that my ancient, dusty, cobwebbed Amazon profile bio - a thing I likely updated sometime around the era of bad knees, worse algorithms, and people still pretending Facebook was fun - has now been placed on trial as a futuristic machine artifact.

Yes. Of course. Naturally.

Nothing says “cutting-edge AI deception” quite like a profile that has been sitting there untouched long enough to qualify for a museum label.

Exhibit A: An author bio written years ago.

Exhibit B: The internet discovering in 2026 that biographies are sometimes polished.

Conclusion: ROBOTS.

That’s the level of scholarship we’re dealing with.

And this is what kills me about so much online nonsense now: people no longer need proof. They just need a vibe. A hunch. A whiff. A passing breeze of suspicion.

They squint at something and say, “Hmm. This feels generated.”

Generated by what, exactly? Literacy? Revision? The radical act of reading one’s own sentences before posting them?

Because if that’s where we are, then heaven help anyone who uses punctuation correctly. Every semicolon is now probable cause, and apparently any prose that uses an em dash is AI. Which is fascinating, since I was using em dashes by the thousand long before AI became the internet’s favorite explanation for everything.

I can just imagine the forensic process:

“Let’s see... this profile bio is coherent... the thoughts are arranged in order... the wording is not completely feral... yes, this was clearly produced by a machine.”

Terrifying.

I hate to disappoint the amateur detectives, but some of us were writing full paragraphs before Silicon Valley started stuffing chatbots into everything that can blink.

I know, I know. It’s a shocking theory.

But not everything online was made by AI. Some of it was made the old-fashioned way: by a human being sitting at a keyboard, probably tired, probably underpaid, probably irritated, and almost certainly wishing everyone would calm down.

Also, let’s be honest. If I were going to use futuristic super-technology to fabricate my public image, do we really think I would spend that power on an Amazon profile?

Really?

Not on marketing? Not on discoverability? Not on getting actual readers to leave actual reviews? Not on making the algorithm stop acting like my books are contraband?

No. According to this brilliant line of thought, I apparently used advanced machine intelligence to create... a standard author description.

That is some wonderfully small ambition for a criminal mastermind.

And that’s the broader joke here. We’ve reached the point where “AI” is no longer just a tool or a technology. It’s become a lazy accusation people throw at anything they don’t like, don’t understand, or don’t believe a person they’ve already decided to dislike could have written.

It saves time, I suppose. Why wrestle with facts when you can just yell “AI!” and run away feeling clever?

Meanwhile, my allegedly suspicious profile bio continues doing what it has done for years: sitting there. Existing. Being a profile bio. In public. On Amazon. Without fanfare. Without updates. Without, sadly, an army of robot publicists boosting my sales.

If only.

So let the record show: my Amazon profile bio was not “supposedly written by AI.” It was written in that distant, primitive era when human beings were still blamed for their own sentences.

Ancient times. Dark times. A more civilized age.

And if that old profile now seems too polished, too composed, too humanly competent for some people to believe, I will accept that as the funniest compliment I’ve received all year.

LOL.

Thanks for reading!

- Robert